Who Am I? and Where am I Going?

If I may borrow a quote from one of my favorite books by Dawna Markova, I will not die an unlived life... "Thomas Hardy once observed that your birthday exists in relation to another day, a day that is impossible to know: we pass silently, every year, over the anniversary of our death. How would it change you if you knew the date of when you were going to die? Would your priorities change? Pema Chodron, author and teacher, describes how most of us go through life like people standing at the edge of the Grand Canyon with brown paper bags over our heads. Would the bag still be there if you knew your "death day" each year? How would you remove it?"

Before my parents passed away a few years ago, I didn't think much about death. Maybe its a subject no one wants to think about, but putting death into another perspective I have chosen to think of death as the threshold of new beginnings. Just as the the inevitability of death comes to all of us eventually, death also happens every moment and every day in smaller ways, but by the passing of time, and change of seasons, the loss of a job, the loss of a dear friend, or our ability to work in the way we are used to. Change is an opportunity to prepare for acceptance of "death" of what unfortunately we seem to hold on to as permanent fixtures in our lives. The ability to think of our lives as un-permanent, and transient, and yet eternal in some way, makes death a non issue. We are born, we live and we die... But during the time in between, what and who we are during this small space in time, is what is important after all is said and done. What are we leaving behind in the minds of those that knew us or didn't know us? How are we affecting those we touch with our minds and souls while we are alive?

I think most people, if asked "Who are you?" would say what they do for a living, or some other type of "label" of who they think they are....but that is not who we really are....we are NOT our labels...we are not our identifiers such as the type of house we live in, or the cars we drive, or the clothes we wear, or our "jobs" or the kinds of foods we eat, or the clubs we dine at or the classes we take or even for that matter the things we create....we are facilitators of energy ... that is all...we transmit and transmute energy through love (hopefully) to create beauty wherever we go....that is all we are...creators. All of the above - are truly part and parcel of our personalities, and certainly affect us in many ways, but truly are not who we are. Those things are part of the illusion we create to illustrate the story we write about who we either think we are or who we believe we are supposed to be...to fulfill an identity perhaps forced on us by our parents, or family or society. To truly know who you are takes time and determination and a strong desire to know.

What if we thought of our lives every day by waking up thinking what a beautiful day we have been given to work our energy magic with! Every interaction you would have from that moment on would change with those thoughts. Some days you are on track to create something defined and specific, but if your intent is to just allow the beauty of the moment to flow through your heart, mind and body....whatever it is you are creating will be perfect. Remember, there are no mistakes. We don't get to take our possessions with us when we cross over to the other side - only our essence travels with us...everything else stays behind and the only meaning it has is what people place on it.

Can we sustain that thought? Work through our fear of death? What if I lost my job? What if I couldn't feed my family? What IF I got hurt and couldn't work...? What if, What if, what if...goes on and on in the mind....all meaningless and nothing but fear. What IF we instead took the plunge and just QUIT our miserable job, and decided to do something else? If you were totally committed to what you were doing, the universe would provide for you I guarantee, because I did it myself in 1993....I can't say it was easy at first but I never doubted for one moment that I was doing the right thing. I have had to change "who I thought I was"....and just be willing to get on purpose, and trust and what I needed always appeared at the right time. Learning to manifest abundance or lack thereof, (and redefining what I think abundance actually IS) is a skill that I am always practicing. I am always open to new ways and ideas to make this process easier and better, but initially no matter what method you use...the first is believing in yourself and your goal. NOT who you THINK you are but who you KNOW you are. Knowing yourself is key. A great philosopher said it "Know Thyself"....and he was right. Knowing who you really are, a shining beacon of light, capable of great things, first and foremost is understanding and affirming that fact.

So much pain and suffering in life could be avoided if we could learn at an earlier age, to ignore labels, and judgment not only of others but in particular our SELVES...Parker Palmer, author, mentor and guide, wrote: "No punishment anyone might inflict on us could possibly be worse than the punishment we inflict on our selves by conspiring in our own diminishment."

What he meant by that is believing the lies we tell ourselves about what we, or society, tells us, we should do or don't do. People who "follow their dreams" are often labeled "selfish" or "irresponsible"....but in fact they are people who have gotten over believing that they should do what other people think they should do, or what other people are doing. They are people who are not afraid to dream big dreams and try to achieve them, who are not afraid to sacrifice all the "things" or societal markers of "wealth and security" for a bigger goal, that of personal happiness.

For some people, having the house, the car and the kids, is essential to their happiness and if that is true then that is their destiny, but for a few others, that is not the case. They tried it, did it, and were ready to move on in a short time to forge their own destiny their own way. For these people the world is their oyster.

For couples who share in the dream of making each other's lives stronger and better, there is an added bonus. For singles, it is sometimes a bit more challenging, but nevertheless still possible to manifest your dreams. Anything is possible! We are not cacti in the desert, baked and parched for centuries, untouched and untouchable...we are human, alive and always growing, like a beautiful sunflower, radiating love and energy. Giving back as much as we take, and more.

I'm not sure where this is all going, or where it even came from, but was on my mind as I continue to pursue the meaning and contribution of the latest art project I am working on, "Another part of myself"...as I'm calling it. Creating something that will hopefully bring joy to its viewers, and with a concept born of my introspective thoughts on where I am going today. Often as I work my mind wanders to these places, thinking of what does this mean...another part of myself? and what it means to me is that I am often evaluating where I am in the spectrum of life. How much did my activities today contribute to my life or to the world? Or did this day provide nothing but a safe pad to crash in for a few hours, while I pondered the state of affairs in the inner and outer world? Did I use my time to truly accomplish my goals today or did I allow myself to be distracted from here and there? Only I can answer that, for all things are important, there are no mistakes and there are no "wasted days"....everything is on purpose, and on schedule.
Love and best always.....