On Passing Time

This photo of San Diego taken at dusk from the opposite side of the harbor called Shelter Island, is a snapshot in time. Nothing seems to be moving, but if you look at a photo taken just minutes after, you would see that something did change, the sky looks different and there are boats in the scene that weren't there in this photo. Everyone knows time doesn't change, it just IS. But we wonder often, "where does it go?" there "never seems to be enough time"; "time flies when you're having fun"...and on and on we go with comments about "time".

When I looked at my last blog post, I realized I had not written for two weeks, and I wondered to myself, "what have I been doing for two weeks that I didn't take the time to write one word in my blog?" Well I will tell you, I have been cutting hundreds of mini pieces of stained glass and gluing them to my sculpture "Another Side of My Self"...and I am still not done. It is a labor of love and one in which once started one must persevere until the completion. Kind of like baking bread. Now the mosaic is not all that I am working on, in between that I am, like everyone else, multi-tasking and trying to keep my life in balance, although the latter seems to be a little on the far left of center at the moment. I am always working on the balance issue, whatever that may be.

Lately my thoughts have wandered into the area of passing time, and how "what I do with my time" is either helping or hindering my progress for self-improvement and success. Yes I still think about being "successful" even at my age! Successful at what is the issue. Often, when I become interested in some new idea or project, I never feel as though I have completely achieved success at it unless I have mastered all the parts. I am one of those people who have many interests and when I become interested in something, must learn everything about it I possibly can, short of going back to college. But reading books, talking to people who are knowledgeable about the subject, and studying everything I can to know as much as I can, to not only feel comfortable about trying something new, but in judging what is good and/or bad about it and deciding if I even want to spend my time developing this new idea or project. I am definitly not a
just "jump in and tackle it" kind of gal. No, I'm the analytical type.

Although I have have done that on occasion, like when back about 20 years ago while living in South Florida, one of my best friends and I decided on a whim to become SCUBA certified. This was a total off the chart kind of thing that, on retrospect, I think I must have been slightly out of my mind to do. My reasoning was that I had always been afraid of the water since at the age of five so this would help me overcome my fear; I almost drowned in the Atlantic ocean in New Jersey, saved only by the quick action of my father, who jumped into the water, clothes and all, to save me. Now don't get me wrong, I love the ocean and have always been drawn to it, but it was a love/hate kind of thing. As a high school student, my coach threatened to fail me if I didn't pass swimming, and it was just by sheer luck that I made it across the pool without drowning.

Anyway, back to the SCUBA story. My friend and I decided this would be a great way for me to overcome my fear by doing something so ridiculously difficult for a non swimmer to achieve that surely I would never fear the water again and it was slighly akin to people who jump off of bridges attached only by heavy rubber bands at their ankles; it would give me a higher sense of inner confidence and personal power. Now that sounded great. So in we went and signed up. The class was actually a six week course and entailed all kinds of physical endurance type things, swimming being one of them, but the focus was not on swimming. Staying afloat for fifteen solid minutes while treading water in the pool, fully dressed in all the SCUBA gear was one of the trials. How I passed again was probably due to my strong legs and ability to tread water, rather than swimming skills, and my ability to stay calm. There were others too, and a lengthy and detailed instruction course which gave us many of the important skills to understand in order to survive out there in the ocean if something goes wrong. The most important one being: never dive alone, and never panic!

The second to last test was the compass dive where we had to dive into a 15 ft. deep lake, with visibility no more than 3 feet, (I imagined it filled with alligators) and swim out to a pre determined point, and back, not losing our way and navigating only by our compass, then at the end, remove our masks underwater, and put the masks back on, clear them and ascend to the surface. All in less than 30 minutes. I was amazed when I actually did it! It was an accomplishment that better swimmers than I were not able to do, and as a result it gave me the sense of pride that doing something physically and emotionally challenging as "overcoming your fear and trusting in yourself" can do. It was not about physical ability or being a better swimmer, it was a test of the mind.

The final dive was a deep ocean dive, five miles off shore and 35 feet deep. I still remember how my body ached from dragging the heavy equipment to the boat. The ride out in the early morning dawn, calm waters of the ocean and the sheer exhilaration of falling over backwards into the ocean, and descending down to another world, in a cascade of bubbles. Once landing on the sandy bottom the first thing I saw was a huge parrotfish staring me in the face. What a shock. I quickly joined my group and we spent 20 or so glorious minutes exploring the ocean bottom and the abundance of fish. It truly felt at the time like an out of body experience but a total visceral experience as well. You know you are in your body but time seems to stop, or slow down. The events are so foreign to you, that you remember each moment like it was still happening to you over and over. Even though it has been over 20 years since that dive, I still can recall the tactile experience of the tide, the sounds, and the feeling of bouyancy and lightness in the ocean and what I believe is what attracts so many people to the experience, the sheer beauty of the ocean bottom. I can also recall the feeling of mounting "panic: as we ascended to the surface and I encountered choppy waves. Struggling to get to the boat and avoiding panicking, was probably the worst part of the dive. Once aboard, I could breath again and felt a sense of relief and awe. I knew that I had been through a life altering experience, but just not sure at the time in what way it would alter my life.

I did go on to do many more dives, in the keys especially, but after leaving Florida I have only been diving one time and probably will not go back into the ocean again, unless it is in a boat or as a snorkeler. I am happy to say it is something I've "been there done that and survived it" kind of thing. I will leave it to the younger explorers on their journey through life.

What it does give me however is, on reflection, things I have done in my past and things I still choose to experience, each and every life experience however we choose to explore it, changes us, hopefully for the better. We don't always get to know the outcome of any one thing we do until after the fact, and sometimes not ever, but we CAN choose the intention and integrity with which we program into our activities. I believe the power of our intentions is what makes an experience either positive or negative. We only get one life at a time, and when we get past the middle of it, we begin to feel like time is running downhill for us. I know, personally, I try to do too much and don't want to miss out on anything, but perhaps it is out of a sense of "panic" that I feel like time is running out, I need to do this and do that. "Don't waste so much 'time'....on things that don't matter"....but everything matters. Even those things that we may never master. Just learning about them and trying them IS important. We may pick up a new hobby thinking that this is really fun, and discover a new passion in life that may even become a new career!

Well here is the progress SO FAR...on my latest mosaic. Remember this is bare bones and still not grouted. What you can see however is how the change in colors dramatically change the effect of the piece. My hope is by next week it will be completed and I will include detailed photos of the effects.

Until next time!