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I'm always searching for new ways to be healthy. I am fortunate to have acquired good healthy genes from Hungarian, Czechoslovakian, French and German ancestry, how could I go wrong? However I find that as I get older, my body is asking me to re-define the way I eat, exercise and I am constantly trying to readjust my self image. What I feel like inside and mentally, does not reflect in the mirror. How sad! Now I know the meaning of the quote that youth is wasted on the young. If I had only had the wisdom I now have in my youth! Oi vey....I would be unstoppable!
I recently purchased a juicer and just love the taste of freshly juiced fruits and vegetables. I find many mornings I just don't have the time or desire to eat a large breakfast but the fresh juice give me the energy I need to stay alert and active and juice doesn't bog down my internal machinery.
There are many juicers on the market but I went with the Jack LaLanne juicer because it is not too expensive and is highly rated. It also looks pretty neat on the counter so I don't feel like I have to hide it from view. It came with two little recipe books but you can also find great recipes for ways to use the pulp in cooking and baking. I hate to throw out anything so I put the pulp into a plastic container in the refrigerator and am adding it a little bit at a time, to my dog's meals and they love it. It also keeps them healthier by giving them the fruits and vegetables best part--the rinds-- in an easily digestible pulp form. I also baked banana bread last week using part of the pulp from carrots and apples in the bread....it turned out fantastically moist and tasty.
Also the most fun part is that I have discovered a new art form! Although I don't normally play with my food, as you can see by this photo, it happened quite naturally.
Last Sunday I was making breakfast by blending apples, pears, celery, carrot and beets, and this is what it looked like after it was ejected from the juicer into the glass pitcher! This is just before I stirred it all together. Beautiful art inspiration with food!
Highly recommended!
I sometimes wonder why I don't go out more often. I find myself too comfortable with my my daily routines and lack of routines which dictate my life and yet when I disrupt the norm, I am always SO glad I did. Like, for example what happened this weekend.
I LOVE music, especially live bands, and I am blessed to live in a town where live music is abundant, almost everywhere you go. In tiny tucked-away coffee shops you can find live musicians playing almost every Friday, Saturday eve or Sunday mornings, and larger downtown cafe's and restaurants wouldn't think of not having live music.
One of my best and oldest friends was visiting this past weekend and an old friend of hers was in town with her husband to promote a new CD she had just cut. An amazing woman, Christina Fasano, or better known as that "Funky White Girl", who now goes by the name Cee Cee James, sings with her whole body, heart and soul. She combines the sound of blues, rock, funk and soul all in one stupendous voice and she has the heart of a true angel. She met my friend over ten years ago while they were on a vision quest in the desert of California with an organization called The School of Lost Borders. Ever since that time Christina's career and personality have blossomed into the beautiful and successful person she is now.
My son, Todd, who is developmentally disabled, loves music and of course we brought him with us that night. He was particularly drawn to Christina and couldn't stop going over to shake her hand during the break and tell her how much he liked her songs. Another band was playing while Christina had a chance to mingle with her fans and sell CD's so I went over to say hello and tried to get my son on the
dance floor to dance, but he couldn't keep from eyeing Christina. I suddenly realized he didn't want to dance with Mom, but he wanted to dance with the pretty lady. I was afraid that he was bothering her but Christina didn't miss a beat. She grabbed Todd by the hands and off they went. Dancing around the floor in square-dance style, to the jazzy beat of the band. Todd was beaming from ear to ear and just couldn't stop laughing. I don't know when I have seen him so happy. Christina's joyous attitude was so infectious pretty soon she had half of the dance floor in on their dose-does and twirling around. Needless to say she has made a fan for life. Todd got his CD and was so happy. Such a small thing to do but what an effect it had on him.
Most of the time, Todd is pretty shy about dancing, but this evening he sure came out of his shell, thanks to the spontaneity and warmth of a truly exceptional human being that Todd was drawn to because of the love in her heart. It always touches me when people who are used to being in the spotlight can stop for one sincere moment and just allow someone like Todd to take center stage by giving him their full attention. Todd lives in the moment, he does not live his life worrying about how he looks, or what people will think, or if he knows how to dance or even whether or not he is "interrupting someone", he only lives in "the moment". He doesn't know about "fame" or "stars"; to him everyone is equal. In personal interactions with people, he knows if he is polite and kind to people, then there are no other conditions necessary. He is usually only concerned with telling people "to have a nice day" and that he thinks "they are a nice person" or that in the case of Christina "he really liked her songs". Todd is a constant reminder for me, to stay in the present moment and not let my mind go wandering too far off into space, which I have been known to do at times.
At the end of the night I got this priceless picture of Christina saying goodby to Todd with a little peck on the cheek. You can see by his innocent expression he didn't quite know what to make of this. We all enjoyed a wonderful night of music and entertainment. So much better than sitting at home. If anyone is in the area, I highly recommend The Downtown Cafe, in El Cajon. The food and service is fantastic and they usually have a great band playing.
Unfortunately we won't see Christina for awhile because she lives in Washington State, but hopefully she will make it down here again some day. And if you are in to funky music, please check out some of her music on her website, click on the audio button.
Thank you Christina for being such a breath of fresh air!
We love you!
A friend I know is looking for the "perfect" person to love, and joined one of those on line dating services. I asked him "how's that going". He basically said that he didn't think he would be able to find anyone who was totally compatible on every level. I said "there is no such thing" for I believe perfection is always in the eyes of the beholder, and even if you found someone whom you think is perfect, they may not return the feelings.
Are you perfect? Don't you need someone to understand you? I said that I don't need someone to understand me, just to accept and love me as I am, and whether I agree with everything they say and do and believe in does not matter if I love them and they love me. I would not want a carbon copy of me in the person I love. I would want someone who is his own person, who knows who he is and what he believes in and stands up to fight for what is right. That person would be so busy doing what he loves that he would not have time to find fault with me, and I likewise.
When you are busy doing the stuff of life that you so love, and that energizes you to be who you are here to be, you don't look around at others finding fault. You are a DOER, and a giver, not a taker and a whiner. When you are doing what you love, you are happy and make others happy by sharing that love. It can't help just pour out of a person who is in love with life and just being.
Anyway, its fine for me to talk since its been years since I have been "in love" with anyone other than my kids, my life, my art, my gardening, my pets, and just being alive every day. Just putting one foot in front of the other enjoying each moment, and trying not to look too far ahead and think about what is "missing" in my life. I'd rather try to manifest the magic by thinking about what I DO want in my life instead of worrying about what is NOT there. Maybe that way the perfect person for me will appear in my life. All it takes is putting the focus on what you want and living true to yourself in the meantime. And maybe a little help from above wouldn't hurt.
What We Can Learn from the Animals
I love my animal friends. Annie the cat, is actually a newcomer in our house. Oscar the dog thinks he is the boss of everyone but is really just the resident male. He is a lovable, silly Labrador mix who came into my life almost ten years ago from Labrador Rescue. I have dragged Oscar all over the country with me and he is my best buddy and pain in the neck at times but I don't think my life would be the same without him.
The first thing I did for Oscar when I adopted him was to take him to obedience classes because he definitely needed to learn manners. It was also a great way for us to bond by learning the joys of teaching via "clicker" method. At one point I realized that it was me who was being trained, not the dog! But chewing on my new shoes and anything in his reach was definitely not a good thing and by taking these classes Oscar eventually learned the difference between his toys and mine. After he managed to pass obedience with flying colors, I took him to therapy dog classes so he could become certified as a therapy dog. Oscar had shown from the beginning that he had a natural gift with people, which is one of the reasons I loved him from the beginning. In therapy class it took two tries before he mastered all the commands and different phases of training, but he finally came through on that one too. Oscar now had a profession!
He has been a wonderful companion dog over the years, visiting with me at the home where my Dad lived shortly before he passed on, and then later where my Mom lived it was a joy to see how the people brightened up and looked forward to Oscar's weekly visits. A dog can sense emotional things that humans cannot and has a way of knowing when to stick his nose in your face and when to back off. I've often said humans can learn a lot by raising a Dog. I have seen Oscar gently stand by a person's wheelchair while the person, attempted in their own difficult way to pet him, but what would usually end up for him being banged on top of the head, unintentionally of course, but he would just stand by and allow the person to do the best they could to make contact with him. For some, who could not react by petting him, he would just lay his head gently on their knee and look up into their eyes. Some form of communication was going on because often a little tear would fall from the eyes of my Dad, when he did that. My Dad loved dogs when we were kids, and seeing Oscar always made him happy.
Later on, I had a back injury and had to have surgery on my back. I didn't know how I would ever manage to take care of the dog with no help, but the dog ended up being my savior. He was constantly by my side, and often when I could not get out of bed for days other than to let them out and feed them, he would jump up on the covers and push his back against my back to comfort me. Up to that point I had never allowed him on the bed, but when he knew I was sick, all bets were off on that one. Luckily I had a full recovery in time and I owe it partly to the fact that even though it was hard for me to get up and walk right away, it was the one thing that forced me out of bed and on my feet, and resulting in a faster recovery than if I had layed around for months doing nothing. Having the responsibility of someone who depends on you is a great healer.
Three years ago my son, who is developmentally disabled, came to live with us again and Oscar and Heaven are a blessing for him. He has an autistic spectrum disorder and having the dogs around create an aura of peace and love for my son like no other. When he is having a bad day it is usually because he gets "off track" and the dogs know it and are right there by his side. They say nothing but they do by their presence, what no person can do. They have a way of calming him and putting his mind back into the present moment. If Todd is getting "stuck" or just refuses to move forward on something, Oscar will go into his "silly" act, jumping on his bed, or laying on the floor and rubbing his back on the floor, making silly gestures. This usually makes Todd laugh and gets him out of his "mood". The dogs are fantastic and truly a blessing in this regard.
Oscar on Left - Heaven on the Right
The second dog in our family was Heaven. She is also an adoptee from the Golden Retriever Rescue which I was foster mom for a few years. When Heaven arrived I knew it would be a lifetime connection with her too. She has the most angelic personality of any animal I have known since Oscar. Heaven's history was that she had been raised by a breeder in Canada originally and then placed in a "forever" home to live out her retirement from breeding. However her forever home ended up having to place her with a rescue group because of family problems, and this often happens. I took her in, and loved her from the first moment. She was, at first, extremely nervous and shy and it was a month before she would even leave the kitchen where her bed was. Finally after much coaching and coaxing, she wandered into the living room one night and jumped up on the couch with me. It was the beginning of her transformation. She was nine years old then, and has now just turned 14. She is still the same loveable and sweet dog, just older. Her heart is weaker, her eyes have cataracts, her hearing is not so good any more, but I still love her and treat her with the utmost respect she deserves as an old girl. She gets groomed regularly, and looks beautiful. She is happy and bounces around the kitchen whenever there are treats or dinner preparation going on, she loves to be petted and brushed, and her favorite thing is to bring me a toy at the dinner table, expecting a little snack. Of course I know its not good to feed dogs at the table but how can anyone resist that face!
Oscar is the most tolerant dog I have ever known, and the most gentle and silly with other animals too. When Annie came into our lives this was a new thing for him. Annie is my daughter's cat who we acquired last June because she and her husband were on a trip to Europe and did not have anywhere for Annie to stay. So I sort of cheerily volunteered. I've owned cats before but Annie is her own person. Historically she has been a very aloof cat, but when she got to my house she suddenly became the new boss in town. No place is out of bounds for her, if she wants to go there; in front of my computer the minute I turn it on, on top of my desk, under the bed, in the shower, sitting on the living room couches and windowsills, and the dogs just wonder where the heck she gets off going there. She will get on or off my lap whenever and if she feels like it. But that's just the way cats are! When it comes to the dogs, well, she just barely tolerates them. Oscar though is no pushover and will not be ignored. He is always in her face trying to get her to play. Annie of course doesn't really mind but she won't let him know it. The photo of them laying together separated by the wall, says it all. They like each other but want to keep some "space" between them. Oscar doesn't seem to mind. He is patient and will wait for the day when Annie will be sleeping right next to him. He knows he will win her over eventually, just like he won over Heaven. The two of them wait for each other to go outside and they love to go on walks together. It is a peaceful coexistence, with respect and dignity for all....each respecting each others food bowls, and space to sleep. They share their toys and their love for everyone, willingly giving love to all who give it back, and sometimes to those who don't give it back. I guess this is a good code to live by for all of us.
G'day for now!
What Matters Most
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me whom you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
........ Oriah Mountain Dreamer
"What if the moments of the greatest wounding in your life were also places where the Divine crossed your path and the unquenchable dream of your life was born?"
There is nothing that drives the human mind more than what is called an incomplete gestalt--an unmet need for closure of some kind. Imagine seeing a pad of paper lying near you with nothing drawn on the page but an incomplete circle. Imagine hearing just this much of the song: "Somewhere over the.."
Dawna Markova says in her book "I Will not Die an Unlived Life" under "Let our wounds become our teachers": if your purpose is only about you, it has no branches. If it is only about the rest of the world, it has no roots. Learning that the moment when our essential needs were not met in some very basic way, holds the possibility to unfold our gifts. Wouldn't it be a good joke if the worst that has happened to us holds the possibility of bringing the best in us to the world?"
Its always easy to look back twenty years or more, and say "Ahhh yes, this situation turned me in this direction and look how well that turned out", or "if this or that had not happened I would not have done such and such". But I believe it's not how well our life turns out, or even what direction we are moving but rather, what is our purpose? Do we even have one other than to exist day to day? putting one foot in front of the other. Surviving one ordeal after another. Going to our jobs, tending to the daily routines that we all have. This is not to say we all have mundane existences, but is it fair to say that the job of life becomes mundane when it offers no purpose, or passion that ultimately leads to some greater purpose other than to exist?
Or perhaps I am just trying to find some greater purpose for my own existence than just "existing", as a mother, as an artist, as a person who has many interests and passions that I love to explore? What do I contribute to the world? What am I giving back? How are my choices, and actions either contributing or contaminating the global perspective of the universe? Or do my actions and thoughts, collectively, culminate in some greater good? Is it even important? Who judges us? Or do we judge ourselves?
Maybe I am just a worry-wart who also happens to be a bit of a hedonist but wants to do the right thing all the time, someone who believes that existing for the sake of existing is not enough. Life is full of fun and beautiful things to enjoy so why go through life feeling bad? and doing things that make us feel bad are not fun! They take the fun OUT of life for me.
Once a free-bird always a free-bird. Seeking my purpose? Where am I going and what do I want to accomplish - or give back - to the world? Is being a good mother enough? What about my art? Does it have a purpose? Does it even
need a purpose? I exist - I create - therefore I am?
Its not my job to tell other people what they should or should not be responsible for, but I do believe that it should be required of each individual by themselves...not anyone else..to look within, discover what truly has meaning in your life and pursue it with passion.
I have thought many times that perhaps "my purpose" should be guided to help others, because I am a mother to a child with a disability and a sister to a child with a disability. I have been "touched" by this ability to be compassionate and involved without feeling like a victim but also to be an activator, one who could motivate others. But as a Reiki healer and massage therapist, even though I am able to use this to help others, I found working with the disabled too close to home. It is all just a little too overwhelming. But as an artist, I find my passion and solace. Art is a creative act, not necessarily requiring any compassion and in fact it is a totally selfish pleasure. I derive so much peace in the creative activity of making things that the challenge is to create something that also tells a story, makes a point, or in a subtle way, targets a feeling in someone that words would not do. Thus allowing the art to be a catalyst for change. Its a
challenge only because that part of it is guided by intent, rather than intuition, and as a free-spirited, intuitive artist, one resists creating "on purpose", which is why I chose early on not to become a commercial artist. I believe creating
art for "sales" or "market driven art" is not conducive to intuitive creativity. But I believe it is possible to have a motive
for your art creations, or purpose if you will, as the driving force behind what you create therefore allowing that force to direct your outcome.
To be more goal oriented, in other words,to have an underlying agenda for my art, just as I seek to find more purpose in my own life is not required, but to me it is important. Is it necessary that my creations, whether it be paintings or sculptures, support some common "community" interest? I'm not sure, and I'm not sure how my own ideas will manifest in the future, but it is my intention, or, my current vision in the making. Making a difference somehow, for a cause, is a goal and a challenge that I believe I am up to. Being a victim and waiting for life to happen to me has never been in my vocabulary and I will not allow myself to do less than what I know I am capable of. Dream big! Believe in impossibilities!
Hopefully, by posting my intention to pursue this goal as the next chapter of my artistic journey, I can set something in motion. Surely nothing happens without action or intention. Inertia has been trying to creep into me for the past several months, but I resist with every day's intention to move, walk, write and think. I am familiar with this from past times in my life, we resist change, we resist doing things that we know are often challenging and difficult because they are in an unknown field of energy. But just intending our new goals, is enough to drive out the indecision, the doubts and start "doing"....
Keeping on!
"Everyone in such a hurry-going somewhere too fast.
Life passes by in a blur. Did you even notice the
beautiful painting God's angels placed in the sky
over there by the Moon? for us to ponder?
if only for a fleeting moment. Nature waits for
no one.
If only we would take the time to notice"
"A Letter to my kids" This letter was originally written on 10/01/01, not too long after the 911 disaster in New York and seven months after the passing of my Father. I was living in Upstate NY at the time, and the subject of patriotism was on the lips of almost every person I saw. It occurred to me that I had never really thought much about affirming my patriotism in writing, but I knew I had very deep seated feelings about it, so decided to write this letter to my two youngest children in California. Somehow it got buried in my file of various writings, only to be uncovered recently and revised. After reading it I felt it was still somewhat timely and have decided to post it. Feel free to comment.
"My Thoughts on Family, Principles and the United States"
I think all of this talk of peace and allegiance to the country and to each other (i.e. meaning total strangers) does no one any good unless it is also extended to our closest neighbors, our brothers and sisters and to our children and parents who also have pain and suffering. For the core of this country was built on the strength of the family and community bonding.
My grandparents came to this country with nothing but the clothes on their backs, their two hands and the principles embedded within them from their parents, and they succeeded in helping to the best of their ability, to build one of the greatest countries in the world, because they believed to the core, that this WAS the greatest country in the world. A country they were willing to die for, to become a citizen of, and they did not object to flying the American Flag proudly or saying the Pledge of Allegiance to the country, under God, indivisible, as did my generation every morning in school before we did anything else. Giving thanks for our country and freedoms was not such a bad thing to do. Showing gratitude opens the door for more grace I believe. Maybe our country could use more of that these days.
I have witnessed the decline of patriotism in this country for many years and often wondered where it would lead. Apparently, to a generation of children who have not been taught what they have. To a generation of youngsters and people who have simply known NO other way of life, and tend to take it all for granted, through no fault of their own, and many who have no relatives who had to fight for their freedom.
Many of our grandfathers died in the mines while building this country, like my own grandfather, or in work camps, but they did so because they wanted a better life for their children and grandchildren than what they had in their countries, and willingly gave their life's blood to build this country. During World War II their sons fought by the thousands and died or came home wounded, to protect our freedom, so their children would have a better life than they had. Then there was Korea, and Viet Nam. Each in the name of "freedom". Every parent in America wants a better life for their children than they have but it does not work unless they also teach the children how precious their easily inherited freedoms are. Then there is the debate about what constitutes a "better life".
Those who came here before us did not have electric toasters, televisions and computers and John Deere Tractors. They built this country with savage skills and bare energy, brute force and the basic elements of this Earth. What they did have was more valuable than electric appliances and computers, what they brought with them was what makes America so untouchable.
It was their internal courage and strength of character and simple faith, belief in themselves, their creativity, and hope for a greater tomorrow; something that cannot be bought, it cannot be bartered, and it cannot be rubbed off from your friends. If you have it, it is because you have learned or inherited it from your parents and their parents or you learned it from truly believing in your SELF and never giving up on your dreams. If you do NOT have these basic strengths of character, you have either not been taught it or you have forgotten it.
True character and belief in oneself cannot be won or earned by fighting more wars, being hostile to our perceived enemies and through more killing. Character is built by being true to his or her highest principles and beliefs at all times. Are these values that are still looked up to in this country or put down?
I believe, like my parents believed, that one must be willing to give him or herself totally in submission to your core belief's whatever they are, and not be afraid of being swallowed up in that submission. By doing so you may be giving to others, but you are also giving to yourself. When you stand for your beliefs you make a stand for all in the name of that belief. Good can only come of it in the end. Too many people just don't know what they believe, and constantly look outside themselves for validation.
We all fight internal wars each and every day. How we choose to fight and how we choose to BE is the important thing. The man or woman should be equal to or greater than the battle or the battle will win. How does one fight the emotional battle? You can't. You will always loose because the emotional battle is within and WITH your SELF. Sometimes, dealing with emotional battles can only be won by being alone. It is then, you learn to confront and know the self, understand the weaknesses and forgive them. You also learn your strengths. You are judged by no one, and you have only yourself to live up to. That can be a very enlightening experience or it can be a frightening experience. Some of us need that from time to time to regain inner strength, balance and courage; things which we may have temporarily forgotten.
We must be willing to die for our beliefs (not literally) but that they SO become who we are-and we become them (our principles and beliefs) that no one can take them away from us. What dies in us are the false beliefs.
If we believe in freedom and truth, dignity and honesty, charity and good will-all these things become part of who we are, our inner nature, and we become one with these values as we practice them. When we know ourselves, its not so easy for others to convince us otherwise.
Why is there so much contradiction in the world today? because many people in this country do not really know who they are and what they stand for. They seem to need someone or some THING to tell them how they should feel and think (people like the news media or advertisements on TV and tabloid magazines). They have forgotten what it feels like to
have a tear roll down their cheek as they say the Pledge of Allegiance and watch the flag as it flies proudly against the sky, remembering a deceased parent who died and fought in the War, or to sing the words of "America the Beautiful". In other words, to really feel a connection to "our" country, the land which represents our freedom to really be all that we can be. A free country founded on honest values by people who were not perfect but who had a vision of perfection, designed so each person could could have the freedome to obtain their highest goals without interference from the Government and to live without fear of other countries attack on us. A nation undivided in that mission. A beautiful country that I personally travelled back and forth over many times, felt the earth, walked on Glaciers in Alaska, pitched stones in the waters of Lake Superior, wandered the beaches of California and Florida, and froze in the snow of Upstate New York. Is it possible to live here your entire life and know how much human blood has been shed on our soil in the name of justice, freedom, truth and love and NOT feel connected? I think not.
I am saddened to think now, that our way of life as we know it, no matter how many wars we get involved in, cannot be protected just by loving our country and being a loyal and good citizen. Our liberties - justly won, for a nation that has flourished because of its freedom, is now at risk of losing those liberties for the sake of security and the beliefs of a very negative element in our country at this time. A great man once said that "a country that is so willing to give up its liberties to gain security deserves neither"....This makes one think twice about what is happening today. We must always be mindful of just what it is that we are yielding TO. Never become so complacent that we lose our ability to see the truth no matter how cleverly it is disguised.
Lovingly and proudly a third generation American.
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